The Hungry Runner Girl: The weight question

Monday, January 3, 2011

The weight question

WE MADE IT BACK TO UTAH SAFE. We only had to make 2 potty breaks on the way home, that is a record.

This post isn't witty and doesn't have pics of food or embarrassing stories of me doing weird things so feel free to skip it...I won't be offended.

I really haven't wanted to write this post or talk about it much on the blog but I have gotten some e-mails of concern regarding my weight.

I have struggled with disordered eating patterns in the past but I do not want to go into details because it was the OLD me. I don't like remembering the way I used to treat myself and that awful voice that never went away and told me I was never good enough.

The difference between the me NOW and the me THEN is huge.

-I have a healthy relationship with food.....I might even love it too much now, especially if there is sugar, butter or cheese involved in the ingredients.

-I think I am beautiful (most of the time, no one is perfect at this:) and most importantly I feel WORTHY to be happy and loved.

-I exercise for pleasure and hopefully someday for mula. NOT for weight loss.

-I no longer have any 'fear' foods. Heck, I ate a milkshake, fries and beef sandwich at 2 a.m. a few days ago.

After an email I received a few days ago I was rather upset. I felt like my new blog best friends were viewing me as a hypocrite to living a healthy life. I called my mom and cried because I remembered the OLD obsessive, messed up me and didn't want to be viewed as that person.

Somehow, moms always know what to say.

"Janae, I have seen you change more in the last few years than I thought possible. You are not the same person you were. I can see it in your eyes, your writing, your love for life and your new love for yourself."

So just in case you were wondering I am this thin because I run like a maniac but I do eat a lot. LIke half my teacher salary a lot.

I love the feeling of working out and I am an elite athlete (at least that is what my Billy tells me).

I am trying to put on a few lbs and over the last month I added on 5 lbs. and the best part is that I was happy about that. 5 years ago you would have found me crying in a corner chomping on celery coming up with a new diet if that happened.

Elite marathoners are thin. It comes with the sport but I KNOW that I am fueling myself with more than enough food and most importantly I am MENTALLY healthy and I am loving the person I am becoming.

If you are struggling with a disordered eating or just not happy with who you are, I promise you....IT CAN GET BETTER. Seek professional help and remember I love you:)

I don't really have a question for ya about this but feel free to share any stories, experiences or anything else you would like so I don't feel like I opened up too much on the blog and now you are scared of me. It would make me mucho happy.

Tell me about how you have grown or changed in the last few years!!

150 Comments:

At January 3, 2011 at 5:33 AM , Kristin Bradfield said...: Great post, thanks for being so candid. It's no one's business to judge you based on photos they see on a blog. I have a friend who is an elite Ironman triathlete and she is TINY, but I've been around her enough to know that (A) Some people are just blessed with the thin genes, and (B) She can eat her body weight particularly during a race weekend.

I have gained over 10 pounds in the last year, some of it pretty rapidly. As soon as I started doing Ironmans I was immediately 5 pounds heavier (and NO, it's not muscle, it's very common...). I'm in the opposite situation as you, I have to lose that weight to get to a healthy race weight before my season begins. And I, too, love food way way too much. Good thing I'm running more again!

Chin up, and don't let this bother you for another minute :)
At January 3, 2011 at 5:37 AM , Unknown said...: God is our healer, he is our confidence! And you have found this. Amen sista!
LC
At January 3, 2011 at 5:37 AM , Unknown said...: p.s.
I agree with Kristin and I always gain weight during marathon training. I need it, I love it! CHeers!
At January 3, 2011 at 5:38 AM , middleagedrunner said...: I think it sounds like you are developing a very healthy relationship with food- and GOOD for you to keep an eye on your habits!
I think you look great- you ARE an athlete and I know from personal experience that it can be VERY challenging to keep weight on.
I grow weary of people thinking it is ok to scoff at me "pffft, you're so SKINNY" in a disparaging way as though I don't eat/have issues (which I'm so lucky to not have. just have skinny genes. but how do they KNOW that? what if I WAS dealing with food issues???) I don't run around telling people that they are overweight- and HOW is it any different?
The internet can be mean. Jealous. Ignorant. Also- it (they) can be supportive, helpful and intelligent. Choose who you are going to listen to and continue to live your own life in a healthy, happy way. (And keep eating that ice cream!)
At January 3, 2011 at 5:45 AM , Sue G. said...: Well, I wish I could say I've gotten thinner over the past few years, but it has been the opposite. I think my age (44) is working against me, and I have used food for many years as comfort. So I'm starting off this year determined to lose the weight I've gained to get back down to a size that is good for my height and bone structure. I know it will make me feel so much better, and instead of slowing down in my running, make me faster and able to enjoy it again. And I'm tired of lugging it around.
Thanks for the post!
At January 3, 2011 at 5:48 AM , Kim (Book Worm Runs) said...: Janae, I stalk your blog all the time but don't really comment but I just wanted to say I think you are BEAUTIFUL and I am so happy you have come to love yourself and have a better relationship with food. Hang in there and do not let anyone make you feel bad about yourself.
At January 3, 2011 at 5:54 AM , Savannah said...: Thank you so much for sharing this post. As a former eating disorder sufferer myself, it's so nice to hear from someone else on the "better" side of things. You are GORGEOUS, and you seem to have a very healthy relationship with yourself and food. Again, Thank you so much for sharing this with your readers - it is a wonderful post.
At January 3, 2011 at 6:00 AM , Hungry Like a Hippo said...: I'm glad things are so much better for you now! Think of all the yummy food you were missing out on before =) I love your blog, and I love your attitude. From what I've read, it seems like you eat the foods that you love and do the exercises that you love.... and that sounds healthy to me!
At January 3, 2011 at 6:01 AM , Unknown said...: Great post, Janae. As I've gotten older, I've realized that I wasted too much time in my 20's focusing on weight and "I'll be happier when..." statements. But no more, 'cause guess what? LIFE IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW... not when I lose those 5 lbs or whatever the obsessive thoughts are. Not wasting all that brain power on thoughts like that is liberating.

And I can't wait to see you at the Olympics and I'll be like, "Hey, I know that girl! We're blog buddies!"
At January 3, 2011 at 6:10 AM , Christina said...: You're right! Most elite athletes are thin...especially distance runners. People who naturally have a thiner figure are always questioned by those who do not.

You know yourself! It's great you are confident in yourself and are doing what you love! I love reading your blog because of your great attitude and I'm not going to lie, your fun foods and your accomplishments in running get me too! (I wish I was as fast as you are!) There are always going to be critics! Don't let them get you down :)
At January 3, 2011 at 6:14 AM , Anonymous said...: Janae,
I have been reading your blog for a while, but this is my first time commenting. I also have had a lot issues disordered eating habits and having a general fear of food. With a lot of prayer, I have left it behind in the past year and I have never felt more free. Thank you for sharing your story with us...that takes so much courage. From a total stranger, you inspire me!! :-)
At January 3, 2011 at 6:21 AM , Kimberly said...: Don't let rude/judgmental people get to you, it sounds like you have your life totally together - faith, family, health, etc.

Many of us have endured catty comments, usually from other women, when we are doing great with our fitness and nutrition. I think people lash out because your health and fitness level makes them realize what is missing in their lives.
At January 3, 2011 at 6:37 AM , Liz said...: I have to keep this comment short but I applaud you for sharing such personal information with us! I think a lot of us can relate and it's comforting to read posts like this.
At January 3, 2011 at 6:37 AM , Katy said...: Thanks for being honest about your past struggles.

I don't understand why people immediately think you're unhealthy if you're thin.

I'm glad you take such precaution to remain healthy. In this era, it's really easy to get swept up in the Hollywood image, and hurt ourselves trying to be something we "should" be. But achieving your goal weight through healthy means should never be discriminated against.

Anyways, enough babbling on. I think you're beautiful and great. And way too skinny. But I only say that out of envy. Not judgement! :)
At January 3, 2011 at 6:48 AM , Anonymous said...: I lost waaaaaaay too much weight this past year. Now, I'm trying to gain some of it back. Like 20 lbs. But I want to stay fit too. My ultimate goal is to reach my healthy weight (halfway there!!!), but be ok if I gain a couple extra pounds. After all, I plan to stay pretty active. I want to eat healthy for the most part, but also be able to enjoy a decadent dessert or southern fried everything.
Great post, by the way. =D
At January 3, 2011 at 6:56 AM , Anonymous said...: Wow I am so sorry that someone did that, never ever have I thought you a hypocrite! My head can be disordered about eating but it doesn't go as far as actually having it play out. I can be obsessive if I eat junk and worry I will gain weight. I tend to over think what people say as well. You are an incredible young woman Janae! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise
At January 3, 2011 at 6:57 AM , Jessica said...: Don't let this person get to you for a second. Honestly, from your race times and your amazing physique, which may be slender but is also toned to the max, it is clear that you are the fittest blogger around. Your body is stunning, and it still would be even with 10 more lbs or more on it, but the point is that it functions at an optimum level. Can this person run a 3-hour marathon? I highly doubt it. You couldn't run like that unless you were healthy, and anyone who questions that or calls you hypocritical is simply jealous. I know I am!!!

You won't have scared anyone ~ if anything, I think most people will admire you even more for being so honest.

*hugs*
P.S You made my day with your comment on my marathon post :D
At January 3, 2011 at 7:00 AM , Anonymous said...: I'm sorry you even had to address this, Janae, but I think you did a wonderful job! You are beautiful and while yes, you are thin, I have never thought you have a problem because I see what you eat and, more importantly, I can "hear" your mentality through your writing. You have a very healthy relationship with food and with yourself. I love your sense of humor about yourself and your laid back "eat well but have dessert" attitude. I think you're inspiring and healthy and I'm sorry someone put you down!

I, too, used to struggle with food and controlling it, but God has brought me incredible freedom!
At January 3, 2011 at 7:02 AM , Jody @ Raising Fin and Fish said...: As someone who has struggled with disordered eating (in the past) and now a Registered Dietitian, I applaud you for this post. When I have worked with runners in the past (as clients), I have found that those who struggle with eating disorders find their performances as a runner struggle. In order to put out continuously improving times and distances, your body must be adequately fueled. If you were not adequately fueling your body, you would not be able to perform at the level that you are.

Keep up the good work! Continue to show the balance between healthy, fruit/veggie filled meals and splurges. Living an 80/20 (healthy/splurge) lifestyle is a great way to create balance and maintain your enjoyment of food.
At January 3, 2011 at 7:04 AM , Lindsey Riddle said...: I am a new reader...as in a one week old reader. However, it's clearly and genuinely clear to me (someone who has struggled with weight issues for far too long) that you are truly passionate about running -- the greatest sport ever -- and life, really. Anyone who doubts your motives or intentions (in a catty way) is, in my opinion, lacking the enthusiasm and inspiration you exude all the way across the ocean through the WORLD WIDE WEB (did I mention I'm living in SOUTH KOREA at the moment?!?) Thanks for your positivity. All. The. Time. Your blog is one of the first ones I go to for some motivation to keep running in a positive manner. THANK YOUUUU!
At January 3, 2011 at 7:08 AM , giraffy said...: People sure are mouthy.

I have never gotten any weirdo vibes from you, and everything you've blogged is balanced and... Well... Normal. Don't even put a second thought into that email.
At January 3, 2011 at 7:10 AM , Britt said...: To run at the level you do, you will be on the slim side. Sounds like you are doing great and have a good head on your shoulders.

My body type is just not able to get that slim all that easily, if anything I think people are suprised that I have run a sub 3:30 marathon. Although maybe if I ran as much as you I might be a tad more slim. ;-) But I'm fine with me and my running.....sounds like you are too.
At January 3, 2011 at 7:12 AM , Mallory said...: Great post Janae. It is interesting that people are sending their concerns to you. I'm sure that if something were going on, your family would absolutely be saying something to you as I'm sure they're well aware of your past. I appreciated your honesty in this blog. I have struggled with what sounds like similar things in my past and I know my family had some concerns when I started running for similar reasons, but, I too have gained weight from this and I am happy about it. I love the way running makes me feel and it sounds like it does the same for you.
At January 3, 2011 at 7:14 AM , Anonymous said...: awesome post. i am so happy for you to be in the place where you are now! i've definitely changed since moving out, i've become a much more mature and rational and HAPPY person. it's great. yay for being happy.

and definitely IGNORE that email. i've gotten emails before saying similar things about the way i work out or eat (actually lack thereof because i rarely post food pictures) and you just need to remember that the person is only seeing the BLOG side of you.
At January 3, 2011 at 7:14 AM , Anonymous said...: I agree with everyone who said THANK YOU for posting this! I think it's important to understand that we all struggle and cope with personal issues. While these issues are your own, and are of course painful, they are things that other people have experienced as well. As someone who struggles with some of the same issues, it is often very isolating and lonely. So thank you for having the courage and strength to share! You are beautiful.
At January 3, 2011 at 7:24 AM , Christina said...: wooohooo! whoever said that is just mean bc you're so darn gorgeous! your zest for life just makes me smile every single time i read your blog! big hugs!
At January 3, 2011 at 7:33 AM , Heather Forcey said...: You wrote a great post. Thank you for sharing such a private part of your life. My initial reaction to hearing that someone sent you such an email was people should mind their own business. How rude! You are a beautiful person inside and out. Thank you for opening your life to us!
At January 3, 2011 at 7:34 AM , Danielle said...: I know I only know you through the blog, but I never got the vibe from you that someone should be concerned about your weight. Some people are just small! As long as you are happy with yourself, that's all that matters. Forget about the people who are judging you. I think you're a rockstar! I would hope I would be as smokin hot as you if I worked out as much as you do! Ohhh to have your motivation!! : )

and easy on eating HALF of your teacher salary. If it's anything like my teacher salary...it doesn't leave you with much more to spend! ha.
At January 3, 2011 at 7:34 AM , Melissa said...: Great blog! I appreciated your honesty. I've had a dealing with eating disorders of my own many years ago. My identity is rooted in Christ, not my body. It took me awhile to see that and occasionally, I have to be reminded of that truth still when my mind starts to wander. I enjoy your posts and look forward to reading more and it encourages me to keep running during the cold winter!
At January 3, 2011 at 7:38 AM , Stephanie said...: Stunning photo of your eyes (I assume they're your eyes) So beautiful. I can tell from your writing that the beauty is also more than skin deep. Thanks for being so honest with this issue.
At January 3, 2011 at 7:38 AM , Abby said...: I'm sorry to hear that you felt the need to address these issues, but I'm glad that you did. I haven't been following along for long, but you strike me as someone who is able to balance a full (and healthy) life with a commitment to elite running. I'm inspired by your running and your ability to do serious training without taking yourself too seriously!
At January 3, 2011 at 7:41 AM , J said...: Great post Janae! It must be tough to share that. As a college athlete I knew I was more susceptible to an eating disorder and thankfully I didn't have too much trouble but a few girls on my team did. It was tough to see them obsessed with their weight. Right now my cousin (male) is suffering from anorexia. My aunt cannot get through to him and he refuses treatment. He has been to rehab after he collapsed and was in the hospital for 6 weeks. Scary stuff.

Sometimes I worry that I am becoming too obsessed but I do love to workout because it makes me feel good.
At January 3, 2011 at 7:51 AM , Anonymous said...: I have been reading your blog for a while and love it but have not posted but I thought I needed to write something after reading this post today. I'm so sorry to hear that some of your readers have been so criticial of you. It makes me sad to think that some women are so critical of others. As an athlete/runner, you are going to be lean and that is okay. It just makes me sad that some women aren't more supportive of each other. I love reading your blog everday. It is so fun and it really motivates me to keep up with my running/healthy lifestyle. Keep it up and good luck with your goals in 2011!
At January 3, 2011 at 7:57 AM , Anonymous said...: Awww, as if you weren't already candid enough about your running and the way you eat... well you wrote one classy post my friend! You are amazing and a huge inspiration to so many people! I'm glad you know it :-)
At January 3, 2011 at 7:58 AM , Anonymous said...: You are beautiful and a talented athlete. You eat REAL food. I like that about you :-)
At January 3, 2011 at 8:01 AM , Anonymous said...: Girl, if you can run the crazy fast miles you do without passing out then you are fueling properly. I'm not going to question that! Each body is different and everyone's motivation and self control is different as well.

Go out there, run fast, eat ice cream and ignore the nay-sayers! :)
At January 3, 2011 at 8:05 AM , Mrs. JM said...: hi janae. it is clear to me that you are a lovely, healthy woman. healthy emotionally, mentally, physically etc. keep on as you are. an inspiration to many!
At January 3, 2011 at 8:09 AM , Maria said...: Very interesting post. I have not been reading your blog that long but I would never have guessed that you used to have issues regarding food- you seem to have a great balance and fuel the massive amount of running you do really well. It is so nice to read that you see the beauty in yourself and are happy with how you are. :)
At January 3, 2011 at 8:13 AM , ida said...: I'm new to your blog, but you seem to portray a healthy relationship with food. Sorry you had some negative emails, but your response was great.
At January 3, 2011 at 8:20 AM , Angie said...: You are BEAUTIFUL girl and God knows your heart! Keep on rockin' it and leave those e-mails in the dust!
At January 3, 2011 at 8:39 AM , Anonymous said...: you always make it more than clear that you love to eat! i think you are a positive role model for what it means to have a healthy relationship with food/exercise. and you always make me laugh. keep on keepin' on! happy 2011!
At January 3, 2011 at 8:39 AM , RunningOnCoffee said...: I'm sorry to hear you were accused of being a hypocrite and felt the need to defend yourself. You are a clearly a lean, mean, running machine churning out some awesome race times - worthy of being officially sponsored by your local running store, and being asked to train with elites, etc. People can be mean - don't listen to them! You've clearly got your act together and if you were depriving yourself of delicious food you would not be able to run the distances and times you are.
At January 3, 2011 at 8:41 AM , Southern Sober Girl Runs said...: I have an opinion--as I do about everything.

You have opened a beautiful dialogue about overcoming disordered eating.

And, the truth is, people aren't always nice and chances are--you will continue to get similar emails.

The good news. Those people don't define you. They also give you an opportunity to share your experience, strength, and hope--which may help another woman.

Now, that is the sane, sober side of me talking. The insane, emotional side says, "tell me who they are, i will run them over with my car:):)".

Whoever said sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me was a liar.

Stay strong dear heart.
At January 3, 2011 at 8:43 AM , ruth said...: janae, you are amazing!!! dont let ANYONE talk to you like that! you are lovely, and I do NOT think you are a hypocrite! power to your running!!! I'll look forward to seeing you in the olympics someday :)
At January 3, 2011 at 8:45 AM , Southern Sober Girl Runs said...: sorry...one more thing...

SHALANE FLANAGAN. HELLoooooo people!
At January 3, 2011 at 8:51 AM , Anonymous said...: I love you and I love this post! It is clear to me that you've overcome the struggles from the past - struggles with disordered eating that I really relate to. I feel like a proud big sister after reading this post. When I was your age, I was still deep in the midst of disordered eating and had very little ability to see myself as beautiful or love myself. I'm so thankful that you figured it out and have learned not only to love yourself but how to take care of your body. And Billy is right - you are an elite athlete! Keep doing what you're doing. xoxo
At January 3, 2011 at 8:51 AM , Melissa said...: You are beautiful, don't let negative people bring you down. And you just rocked 28 miles the other day on a whim. If your body can get you through that, then you are treating it right. Keep it up girl, I love reading your blog!!
At January 3, 2011 at 8:52 AM , A Big Little Life said...: Don't let it get you down. Hello!? You ran a marathon + some randomly the other day. You are obviously a healthy gal. As NeNe of the Real Housewives of Atlanta would say: "Let yo haters be yo motivators". Yep, I just typed that.
At January 3, 2011 at 8:53 AM , Unknown said...: I haven't been a follower long, BUT I feel it is evident that you have a healthy relationship with food. It's comforting to see other athletes/runners have a good relationship with foods other than vegetables. =)
Thanks for addressing the eating issue -- there are lots of women out there who struggle with all sorts of eating issues.

You are so inspirational in your running, living and eating. Keep your head up girl -- you look beautiful! And as mentioned before, smaller framed distance runners tend to be that much smaller from training.

Keep your head up -- and hug your mom, she sounds amazing =)
At January 3, 2011 at 9:02 AM , Anonymous said...: Oh Janae you are so beautiful both inside and out.

I have lost a significant amount of weight in the past year, but I needed to do so in order to be healthy. It's frustrating when people make those types of comments, so I understand where you are coming from. The bottom line is that you decide for yourself where your body is comfortable and healthy. Nobody else gets to decide that for you. Another very important point is that you ARE an elite athlete... just like Billy says! If you were not healthy, you would not be the athlete that you are!

Thanks for being so open and honest. LOVE YOU BFF!
At January 3, 2011 at 9:11 AM , Heather said...: I haven't been reading your blog for too long but never once have I thought "hypocritical." Rather, I thought, "honest"(oh yeah and also hysterical, entertaining, incredible athlete, etc.) I love it. I know an elite runner (ironman) @ work and always laugh at what he eats - anything and everything in sight - but he's very thin b/c he runs, swims, bikes, etc. all the time! He enjoys life but is also an amazing athlete - just like you. Keep up what you're doing and thanks for the honesty!! You are an inspiration.
At January 3, 2011 at 9:15 AM , Anonymous said...: WTH I can't BELIEVE someone emailed you to say that!! Have they not READ your posts? Clearly you eat enough!! I hate that this person made you upset! You have one of the healthiest attitudes to food I have ever seen in the blogworld (and in my life too) and I have always looked up to you for that reason, and try to be more like you in your outlook!
LOVE YOU JANAE and don't let meanies get you down sweetie! :)
At January 3, 2011 at 9:19 AM , Runners Fuel said...: You look great!! I don't know what that person said to you to upset you, but don't listen to them. You are a great person and athlete!
At January 3, 2011 at 9:21 AM , Anonymous said...: I don't know what it is about the blog world, but so many people seem to focused on how other people look and what other people weight and how much they eat... I don't get it.
But I think you're beautiful, and brave for addressing the topic head-on like you did in this post. As someone who enjoys running, but is super-slow, I admire your speed and endurance, and I can't wait to see what you can do after training as an elite athlete!! Keep it up, girl! :)
At January 3, 2011 at 9:41 AM , Anonymous said...: It's too bad you even had to say anything about this. People can be harsh and uncaring when they say things out of judgement. I've dealt with it from the family I married into, but I've also learned that what they think doesn't matter in the end. It is their own issues and insecurities that spur on their judgement.

Just found your blog recently and I'm looking forward to reading more this year - and catching up on some past posts.
At January 3, 2011 at 9:46 AM , Anonymous said...: Thanks for sharing this post! I've suffered before with obsessive eating, but the past year, I have changed my ideas about health & food so much. I would much rather fuel my body with healthy, good tasting food instead of deprive it. You obviously fuel your body well & eat enough too because you talk about it on your blog & you run a lot. You wouldn't be able to keep up your intense training if you didn't eat. Don't let people get you down. Your blog is always inspiring to me and is one of my favorites! I always want to go out for a run after reading your blog.
At January 3, 2011 at 9:49 AM , Keri said...: Good for you, posting this. You are brave. You don't have to explain yourself to anybody but you are an inspiration to many people and it is very brave of you to post all of this. I don't know you personally but you look and sound very healthy. Running seriously is obviously a goal for you and you know you need to eat right and be strong enough to accomplish that.
At January 3, 2011 at 9:53 AM , Unknown said...: Ummm yeah if you had any form of an eating disorder, I don't think you could clock the mileage that you do. You would be exhausted and it's clear that you eat and looooove food. Keep your head up and shake them haters off...and then whip your hair back and forth hehe
(not making light of your situation, just trying to make you feel better). Much love and don't dim your light because of this:-)
At January 3, 2011 at 9:56 AM , Unknown said...: P.S. I love your blog and a lot of the time I get excited when you post because I know it's going to be funny, witty and always good. You're an inspiration to myself and to many.
At January 3, 2011 at 10:03 AM , Pam @ herbieontherun.com said...: It's such a shame that you even have to defend yourself in this way. Come on! It's so obvious through this blog that you are a beautiful, vibrant, HEALTHY young woman!!! Mentally and physically!
At January 3, 2011 at 10:06 AM , Unknown said...: I think many of us can relate to this post. I also had very disordered eating in the past. I saught help (a lot of it) and at one point I thought I would never get better.

But here I am today. A success story! I no longer fear food. I love my body the way it is. I eat without guilt and regret and I am at a healthy weight of 115 lbs at 5'4". I run more than ever before because I am healthy and I can. I look back and feel sad that I spent so many years hating myself and hurting myself. At the same time I am grateful for the person I am now and I think that struggle has made me stronger.

You are thin and it can be hard to hear those things. If I lose a few pounds I hear it from my whole family and my co-workers so I know how hard it can be. It can sometimes be hard to convince people that you ARE healthy. That is the most frustrating part.

But keep it up girl. You exude happiness and healthiness on this blog every single day. I admire you for your strength to speak up about this and put yourself out there.

In good health,
Kate
At January 3, 2011 at 10:12 AM , Running Ricig said...: I don't really have a story, but thank you for sharing yours. I'm glad you're healthy and have a great appetite for candy :). You're awesome, don't forget it.
At January 3, 2011 at 10:23 AM , Jess @ Blonde Ponytail said...: You are so brave for sharing this. Thank you.

I think you are beautiful inside AND out. You are focused on a dream (which will become a reality), but not at all self-centered. You are constantly stating that you want to live for Jesus Christ and God and focus on others.

Mom know best! Please keep posting your humorous, honest stories!!
At January 3, 2011 at 10:24 AM , l said...: I found your blog via AbbyNormally and CotterCrunch and LOVE IT! I'm sure most of your readers agree that what you're able to do with you body is amazing and something many of us strive to do someday.

You're brave for being honest. Opening up to anyone, let along strangers on the internet, is very difficult. Only you know the truth so if you feel like your eating and running habits are healthy then keep it up!! I know from experience that it also helps to have an observant, loving and supportive hubby to watch out for you too (gotta love the hubbies <3). Its clear that you have too many wonderful people in your life would would never sit back and watch you make unhealthy choices.

I'm proud of you for loving yourself (even though I don't know you - its ok to be proud :). Thanks for being an inspiration. Keep on being your open, honest self...its why you have so many loyal followers!!
At January 3, 2011 at 10:25 AM , Unknown said...: Hi Baby Girl, You are my hero and I am soooo proud of you! I am also so happy with all of your very wonderful blog buddies. I love you!
Love, Mom
At January 3, 2011 at 10:26 AM , Aron said...: I know a lot of people will really appreciate you sharing your story. I am so happy you have been able to come this far and are healthy now! Elite marathoner in the making!!!!
At January 3, 2011 at 10:27 AM , Anonymous said...: I've been there too, Janae. I had my own eating disorder battles in high school. I had a hard time with family life growing up and felt so out of control. I had a hard time fitting in at school. I just wanted to be loved and accepted and at peace. I thought controlling my food and getting thinner would make me happier, more popular, would make it all right. I remember passing out at school and blacking out while playing a basketball game. I did damage to my digestive system. It did not make everything right. The only thing that made it right was coming to terms with the past and moving on to be the person I was meant to be. I have a lot more respect for myself and what my mind and body can do. When we realize what amazing creatures we are, I think we stop wanting to do things TO our bodies and start wanting to do things FOR our bodies. From the bit I have gotten to know you on here, I think you have your balance now. Thanks for being open enough to share with us.
At January 3, 2011 at 10:30 AM , Generation X (Slomohusky) said...: you know Janae you are beautiful regardless. don't worry about what anyone says. b who u b! a child of god.
At January 3, 2011 at 10:31 AM , Anonymous said...: You are beautiful & an inspiration - in running and just to truly ENJOY life. Don't let some small person's thoughtless comment get you down!

ps That is an absolutely INCREDIBLE photo
pss We MUST do girls date when you come back to Cali this summer. MUST MUST.
At January 3, 2011 at 10:31 AM , racing dawn said...: You are so strong! You are amazing and I'm grateful to know you. Thank you for being so honest!

You should change your blog title to 'Hungry Elite Runner Girl'! :)

Rock on sister!
At January 3, 2011 at 10:33 AM , Unknown said...: I just want to give you the biggest (hug). Weight is such a personal issue and it makes me sad that people have made negative comments to you. You are an amazingly beautiful woman. I love your love of food and you have shown that. So you are teeny tiny - you look just like all the other elite runners!

Keep doing what you're doing girl!
At January 3, 2011 at 10:34 AM , Cari Jacobs said...: Good Job Janae!! I know you don't feel like you had to defend yourself but I'm proud of you for posting your past issues because you can help so many others! You are an inspiration to all who know you and now you have reached out with your unique gift of honesty and friendship to people all over the world with your blog!! What a great way to share the special talent that you have of love, warmth, humor and friendship!!
Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs!!!!!!!
At January 3, 2011 at 10:55 AM , Anonymous said...: You are my running hero. You look like a healthy elite runner (yes, elites are usually very thin), and your love for life shines through in your pictures and posts. Don't let others get you down with their opinions of what they see/interpret.
I have struggled with the same types of issues in the past as well, and now I am striving to live a healthy and balanced life.
It seems you have found that balance, keep it up!
At January 3, 2011 at 11:02 AM , Anonymous said...: Love this post - and you ARE an elite athlete. You are an elite athlete who will be runnin a sub 3:00 marathon in Boston, remember?

Don't jump on the haterade wagon - You are absolutely perfect the way God made you. I love how you are sharing your struggles as well as your victories. You ROCK!

<3 you girlie!
At January 3, 2011 at 11:02 AM , Jen said...: I think you rock, you are awesome and I love your blog :)

Jen
http://www.jenslosinit.com/
At January 3, 2011 at 11:03 AM , Anonymous said...: Freaking awesome girl.
Seriously, you are so freaking beautiful on the inside AND the outside! AMEN to getting past eating issues that kept us bondaged a long time ago. The important thing is that we look towards the future and thank God for what He has done for us.. and constantly live in that JOY that He has given us! And you do that! Im sorry you received any kind of rude emails, that really makes me ANGRY! But you have handled this wonderfully. I love your blog and you are such a light to your readers, seriously! dont EVER doubt yourself and the beauty you are in the Lords eyes!
At January 3, 2011 at 11:20 AM , Shannon said...: I love your blog posts! It really bothers me when I hear about bloggers receiving emails criticizing them. It seems to happen frequently. It is great that you are sharing your experiences, but it is YOUR life. I think women love to criticize others. It is a sad trait we seem to possess. I think you rock and you should keep on doing what you are doing. You know what is best for you!
At January 3, 2011 at 11:30 AM , Nathan said...: Janae- You are an AMAZING woman!!!

I am so glad you have the courage to post this.
At January 3, 2011 at 11:39 AM , Blue said...: I actually wrote all about how I developed body dysmorphic issues when I was a teen. It took a lot of work to overcome the affects of that experience, but it's possible.

I just wish I loved both exercise AND food more! Seems to me you have the best of both worlds going, girl! If I exercised more, I could eat more than I usually do, and I think that would be fun. And tasty! I could become something of a foodie (but probably never a true foodie, because I simply can't STAND anything out of the ocean. I know, heresy. I've tried to like it, really I have. I'm hopeless in that department.)

Do you have a recipe for learning to love exercise? A secret you could share? How did you come upon your attitude? It's so important for strong bones, flexible bodies and long-term health. That's why I'm frustrated. ♥
At January 3, 2011 at 11:40 AM , Anonymous said...: What a beautiful post, proving yet again how strong you are:)

I never in a zillion years thought I would be up for the challenge of a tri or marathon, it's awesome what you can do once you put your mind to something.
At January 3, 2011 at 12:21 PM , Anonymous said...: Ok. First let me say that I am a huge fan of your blog. I mean, I get giddy when I get an email update!! The reason why? You are am inspiration! I love to eat and I love this new found habit I have called running. I just did my first half and have set many new goals! I found your blog on a fellow running buddy of mine's blog! The first thing I looked at? Your snack ideas and recipes! I love food and I love to eat healthy! And even though you may not read MY comment, I just want to say that this fellow runner could tell right off the bat that you ate, ate healthy, treated yourself and ran!!!! Don't let that email bring another tear to your eye. Many people have told me I am too skinny. But I'm the healthiest I've ever been and heck, I'm loving those comments!!
At January 3, 2011 at 12:27 PM , Leslie said...: I'm more of a blog reader than commenter. But I feel there is something to be said here. First off, you are brave. An email like that could be totally stalling to many. But you have been able to step up, confront the lie, and move forward. Secondly, I think you are taking a step forward with your NY 'resolution' in this post. You are reflecting Jesus by not combating or lashing out, but addressing a lie and revealing truth. Thirdly, Exodus 15:26 says that "the Lord is your healer", your Jehovah-Rapha. Psalm 9:10 says that "those who know Your name will put their trust in You, for You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You." You know the Lord is healer, Jehovah Rapha, and He has healed you in the past from disordered eating, and will heal you in the present from the hurts in this email, and in the future in whatever comes.
At January 3, 2011 at 12:49 PM , Jenn said...: I think you are beautiful!! Good for you for finding happiness and a great relationship with food and exercise! I love your blog and some people just have nothing better to do than make someone feel bad! I think your an inspiration to many people and Im so glad you share your cute life with us! :)
At January 3, 2011 at 12:57 PM , Allison said...: You are so great Janae. Look at how this blog is touching and inspiring so many people's lives. I'm proud of you. Just want to let you know that Alex and I think the world of you (and Billy too, of course!) Boston better watch out because Janae is on her way!
At January 3, 2011 at 1:09 PM , BigHappyFamily said...: I have a few more years between me and an ed past (circa 92/3). I still get "the look" or feedback from folks who think I am too thin (and I think, "sista' if you knew me when..."). I can truly say I am healed from my food pattern checkered history, though, for which I am grateful everyday.

Interestingly, though, as I am just starting to run more seriously, and add miles, I find that I need to be careful to not let goal setting with running turn to obsession. So, basically, I stay away from racing, and I make sure my running doesn't detract from my family time.

Hope your neg commenters go back to their holes and keep their yaps shut.
At January 3, 2011 at 1:15 PM , Megan W. said...: Like so many have said- you are so beautiful inside and out! You have such a joy and passion for life and for all that you do, and I'm sure it's so cool to see how God has brought all of those amazing things into your life. Keep being the joyful person that you are and don't let anyone take that away from you!
At January 3, 2011 at 1:21 PM , greensk8r said...: I am glad you opened up. I know it's not always easy.
Don't let anyone let you think something about yourself that you KNOW FOR A FACT is not true. This is so crucial in living a healthy life (especially as an elite athlete like yourself).
I am a competitive figure skater (basically meaning body image is always returned to and stressed) and so often "thin" is stressed in skating...but this is such a wrong thing to get into people's heads. THIN as an athlete basically means WEAK if you are not fueling properly (as I know you ARE doing).
Don't let people get you down. They have nothing on you, girl.
Follow my blog if you'd like!
http://greensk8r-fireandice.blogspot.com
:D
At January 3, 2011 at 1:21 PM , Maria said...: Glad to hear you made it home safely! Love reading your blog and knowing that running a lot not only burns a hell of a lot but is part of what makes you such a strong individual. Keep it up and continued good luck with you Boston training!
At January 3, 2011 at 1:25 PM , Ellen said...: I've never commented but felt compeled too on this post. I think anyone who is a runner knows you can't hit your times if you don't fuel properly and its clear from your continued success in training and times that you are doing what you need to do for YOU! Not everyone will have success running the miles or speeds YOU are running or eating what YOU eat but it works for YOU and ultimately YOU are happy and healthy!

I love your blog, your honestly and I can tell your heart that you put into everything. I look forward to reading about your sub 3 success.
At January 3, 2011 at 1:39 PM , Pemberton Family said...: Janae I can't believe the things people say! I must admit I am totally jealous of your cute body and your ability to have the time to exercise so much but I think you are an amazing person. I love all your posts about food and your life. Your blog is so fun to read. Ignore them! You are great and I applaud you for telling the truth about your past and writing this post. God Bless!
At January 3, 2011 at 1:59 PM , Anonymous said...: Janae, I'm so sorry to hear that an email made you upset :( it must have been very rude considering how you are such a strong and motivated individual! Don't let them hold you, or your dreams back! Use it as fuel to break 3 Hours and kick butt in your next marathon. Keep up the great work and I hope you don't receive anymore mean emails like that in 2011!!
At January 3, 2011 at 2:12 PM , Muncher Cruncher said...: Girl - you are the bomb, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. I am so impressed with all you have accomplished inwardly, outwardly, and EVERYWHERE else. You're amazing, and I know you've helped me a ton. I love you darling! xoxoxo
p.s. glad you made it back safe. Can't wait to see you!
At January 3, 2011 at 2:15 PM , Jen said...: It's too bad that people think that they have the right to tell you and your body what you should be like. It's a good thing you're in a good place right now or it might really do some damage. People really have no idea how hurtful they can be. I'm sure that jealousy plays a part in it and you don't need to worry about it. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Glad you made it back safely. Too bad you didn't come back to better weather!
At January 3, 2011 at 2:17 PM , Anitra said...: ....I hope this is not going to affect your blog. I mean...reading your blog is like on my daily "to-do" list....You are on my bookmark menu bar. You absolutely inspire me! You have made me believe that I can actually run a marathon and have taught me so much about food. I spend more time on your blog than my own. I think you are beautiful inside and out, inspiring, motivating, funny, creative, just totally AWESOME!! Thank you!

oh, and "MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!"
At January 3, 2011 at 2:29 PM , XLMIC said...: Ha! People are ignorant. Billy is right... you ARE an elite-level athlete. Anyone who can run a marathon in 3:04 certainly warrants that distinction. (And this is coming from a former elite athlete). As I have been reading your blog for just a month or so, it never entered into my mind that you are too skinny or act in an eating-disordered way... and I do have some secondhand experience with this (best friends). Your body suits your chosen sport. And no way could an unhealthy person be that fast! I send you LOVE, Janae. And my support. <3
At January 3, 2011 at 2:37 PM , Veganlove said...: Janae you are amazing and I love you and your blog!!! You are so beautiful person and I wish one day I could be happy with myself like you are.
At January 3, 2011 at 2:41 PM , Caroline said...: Oh dear...I can relate...kind of..not all the same story but still weight related...I lost about 75 lbs in less then a year, not all by choice and now I am under weight for my hight..5'11". My parents just came for a visit and boy did I hear the comments...you are too thin, we can see your spine. you need to eat more, your face will look old, why so much running (trust me compare to you I dont even run!!! ha ha!!) it never ends. I also try to put weight on and it is hard. I am on a strict diet for health reason..(no more Gallbladder and my stomach is not liking this too much). I try to ignore all comments as much as I can but 2 days ago they got me and I cried in front of everyone at the table! You are not alone dear!...and I think you look fantastic and happy and that is all that matters right?
At January 3, 2011 at 2:41 PM , Shannon said...: I hope someday I can reach the place you are now; happy with myself, good relationship with food, and an amazing runner.
At January 3, 2011 at 2:41 PM , Leisa said...: Janae, I've been a follower almost from the beginning, but have never commented, but like so many others, I felt the need to speak up now.

After reading your post, and then seeing the 90+ people who commented on it, reminded me of a quote I read on EMZ's blog awhile back. She quoted Sandra Bullock saying "Family isn't just who you're born to, related to or what color you are. It's who's got your back."

You've got one heck of a large blogger family! I think the people that have come to know you (whether through your blog or in life) have got your back 100%.

Keep being your amazing self!
At January 3, 2011 at 3:10 PM , LindsLovesMiles said...: You go girl! I'm so proud of you for having the courage to post this! You inspire me all the time!
At January 3, 2011 at 3:22 PM , Laura said...: You ARE an elite athlete, and like everyone else, I'm so glad you had the courage to post how you're feeling instead of what you thought you *should* post for readers. I struggle with that dilemma sometimes, but it's always great when you can just be honest instead of writing what people want to hear.
At January 3, 2011 at 3:23 PM , Val said...: This is such an amazing post!!

thanks for opening up!!!

You are an amazing, gorgeous, funny woman! And I just know you through your blog ;)

So many people will critique you because of what you are doing BUT you are HEALTHY and listening to your body adn that is all that matters.

I am so proud of you :)
At January 3, 2011 at 3:24 PM , Anonymous said...: As someone pretty deep into the professional/elite running and triathlon scene, I hope I can be a voice of reason! You look NORMAL! It is impossible to eat as many calories that would be needed for you to "be heavy" with the amount of running you do! Your body is at optimal body fat percentage for running fast--it natually regulates it! And since I dont know you and have never met you, the obvious clue to this is that you LOOK healthy. I have known many, many anorexic runners in my day. Dry, thin hair, broken out skin, dull (not glowing) face, and you are the opposite!

So girl, keep on running, enjoy your ice cream, and dont let people bring you down!
At January 3, 2011 at 3:27 PM , Tiffani J said...: What a great post to read today! It is great that you are finding yourself and loving you for you! I have 4 daughters and worry all the time that one or more will have body image issues. I try to stress healthy eating and being active along with loving yourself! I also try to tell them that everyone is different and every body is different and that is OK! Thanks for sharing something so personal!
At January 3, 2011 at 3:34 PM , Anonymous said...: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, HEALTHY, SMART, KIND, FUNNY, and AMAZING! Janae, to me, it looks like you are a kick-ass athlete, NOT an anorexic. Obviously if you can run 2 jazillion marathons, you are fueling yourself properly. AND, I think if there was a serious eating disorder, Billy would be worried and things on your blog would be different. Instead, I see a happy and healthy woman with her loving husband enjoying cone after cone of ice cream, hot dogs, mexican taco salad beasts, and copious amounts of nitty gritty grubby shrimp that coats you from your fingers to your elbows. :)

Love you, love you, love you AND your honest and HILARIOUS blog. :)
At January 3, 2011 at 3:37 PM , Alison said...: A lot of these comments are directed towards building Janae up, but a few are extremely negative towards those who emailed her with their concerns for her weight. I highly doubt that the readers who emailed Janae were trying to be malicious, but rather were concerned and wanted to express their concerns in a private way. A lot of times when friends try to express concern for an individual's health, it is tricky to find a way to do it without hurting any feelings. I don't think we should "run them over with our cars" or assume that "women aren't supporting each other's healthy lifestyles" but rather focus on educating readers about the lifestyle of an elite athlete and how to balance the extreme training regimen with an appropriate diet. (which is what I think Janae's blog does a wonderful job of!)
At January 3, 2011 at 3:47 PM , Preston and Jamyn said...: Naester.... I'm glad you posted this. It's usually the times in your life when you are on a high that someone has to try and bring you down. I think there are very few girls/women who have not had to deal with eating issues. But you are right, you live and learn and you are better for it. The most important thing is taking care of ourselves so we can live and enjoy this life. Those who had the audacity to think and say other wise aren't happy with themselves. You're amazing and I'm glad you have been in my life... although I wish you were more! Loves! p.s. 3 J's Rule.
At January 3, 2011 at 4:01 PM , Sydney said...: Awesome post! Being an ex-collegiate runner, I have seen many MANY girls who were my close friends struggle with eating disorders. It is nice of people to be concerned about you, but it is NO ONE'S place to judge you. People are built differently. Take me for instance. I could run 26 miles a day and my rear would still be huge, but I have a tiny tiny upper body. As long as your body isn't breaking down, then you're eating right for you. Stay strong sista!
At January 3, 2011 at 4:14 PM , Stacie said...: Great post. I just wanted to say I love your blog and I think you are great. Never let anyone else bring you down. I think you look amazing. After having my kiddos I've struggled off and on with my weight. I think being a woman just automatically gives you extra struggles. When I was heavier I always got fat comments from people, including family. When I was at my skinniest I got negativity constantly too. As long as you are happy and healthy, that is all that matters.
At January 3, 2011 at 4:26 PM , Jenn said...: Wow-interesting post. Interesting comments.

You certainly don't have to defend yourself but I appreciate how honest and candid you are.
I'm glad you've found that happy place:) Such a difficult point to come to.

You're very thin, that's obvious. By looking at your daily workout regiment it would seem you come by it quite honestly!! I also think in the little time I've gotten to "know" you through your blog, you seem VERY driven with your running goals. I can't quite imagine you letting weight or lack of weight interfere with that. I think you're a great role model, you embrace healthy NORMAL living. You're beautiful-you're fit, you ARE an elite athlete!

Keep inspiring us!
At January 3, 2011 at 4:43 PM , Suzana said...: I think you are an elite! :)
At January 3, 2011 at 5:11 PM , d.a.r. said...: About two years ago, someone commented on my blog that it was a good thing I worked out all of the time, otherwise I would be a total fatty. All because I posted a picture of myself eating ice cream.

Having spent years crying when I look in the mirror, starving myself and engaging in other troubled eating behaviors, it could have been a major trigger. And it really hurt, regardless of whether it sent me into a spin of craziness again. I couldn't believe someone could be so cruel without even knowing me!! Or what I had been through!

I was an elite athlete. I competed internationally. I tried out for the olympics, twice. I had a full athletic scholarship to the school that won NCAAs in my sport last year.

But, that wasn't enough for this stranger. And it never will be.

You have to just be happy with YOU!!! Hang in there and keep loving your self! Hugs :)
At January 3, 2011 at 5:42 PM , Anonymous said...: It put the biggest smile on my face to read your post this morning (can't comment on my Droid, boo!). I was so touched that you were able to talk about such personal things on your blog. I can barely do that!

To be honest, I've been battling disordered eating since I was twelve. Unfortunately, people still say I'm "too thin" and "need to eat more", when it's really not possible! I run and work out a lot, but I eat SO much, just like you.

And to tell the truth, if people are concerned about other peoples' eating/exercise, the way to be concerned is NOT to call them thin, anorexic, etc. I've been attacked on my blog before, and it hurts so badly.

It breaks my heart that some people equate me with the type of person I once was instead of the crazy, fun, and sometimes overly indulgent me. And girl, reading your blog sometimes makes me feel like I'm reading my own writing! Haha :) You are beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Us girls play hard and fuel hard, ya hear?!

xoxox,
Katelyn
At January 3, 2011 at 5:44 PM , Amanda@runninghood said...: aww, look at you....you open your heart and share something so dear and look at the response! Thank you for sharing Janae...sorry you got a mean e-mail that hurt you. You're such an inspiration and a joy to watch/read about. Yes, you are super thin but I think that your blog reflects that you are healthy and balanced and BEAuTIFUL. YOu eat well, exercise hard, and enjoy yummy food of all kinds. Thanks for sharing this....I think it is my favorite post of yours yet. XO
At January 3, 2011 at 6:39 PM , ThE MidLiFe CrUiSeR said...: Well, I think the people who gave you a hard time are Anal Fistulas!!! (goggle it, it ain't pretty).

Seriously, you are a hardcore athlete. It's obvious in your training regime, and your speedy times.

Jealousy is an ugly thing, and lots of times, I find people try to disguise it under the "I'm concerned for you" method.

What YOU think is what matters most. You know yourself. Tell yourself how fabulous you are an extra few times tonight. You earned it!

Nellie
http://midlifecruiser.blogspot.com
At January 3, 2011 at 7:10 PM , dawn @ running the dawn said...: i have always appreciated your approach to life and food. you know how to nourish your body and how to reward it. i am so thankful that you share yourself with us. bless your heart!
At January 3, 2011 at 7:33 PM , Anonymous said...: Wow to you for writing such an honest and personal post!

I admit, I had similar thoughts after seeing some photos. But you know what - you are beautiful as YOU no matter what you look like!

I've had issues in the past - and so I totally, totally get what you are saying about the OLD you - it's so damn frustrating...I also have a bad relationship now with food having gone the 'other' way and eating emotionally and binging...so it's a tricky line for me.

But, remember - it's your family and friends who KNOW you! Listen to them. Listen to your heart.

"Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind".

Do what I do when I get shitty comments from stalkers...SPAM them and hit delete :) Aahhhh.
At January 3, 2011 at 7:40 PM , EBURNS said...: When I came across your blog, i was so drawn to it because I could tell you had a healthy relationship with running and food. Selfishly I wanted to ask you all the nutrition questions I had because I never have had a woman friend with the balance of both. (they either don't run, and have a healthy food outlook, or they run and have an unhealthy food relationship)Your balance is evident, don't start second guessing yourself.
At January 3, 2011 at 7:47 PM , Meg said...: I will admit that I have been worried about you sometimes when I see pictures of you, but have always been relieved due to your obsession with food. Thank you for posting this entry. I've had my own issues in the past (with self-mutilation) and it's hard to talk about them but sometimes it's important for people to know that you're healthy now. I'm so glad that you're healthy now. You're such a wonderful soul and an inspiration to all of us - not just for exercise, etc. but being a lovely friendly person who puts so much value in her family and life. You also inspired a weekly "make our own pizzas" night with me and Jake! lol Just keep being you. :)
At January 3, 2011 at 8:08 PM , RoseRunner said...: I'm glad you addressed this issue with a post. You are a very skinny person, and I'm sure it was on a lot of your readers minds. I truly, literally, can't imagine what you used to look like while having "disordered" tendencies, if at this healthier stage in your life you have garnered attention for being extremely thin.

According to your blog, you do eat enough, and I believe you. As for my own story, about 4 years ago I was little more than a stick with four more sticks for arms and legs, running 10-20 miles every single day, and when people told me I was too thin I pointed to pictures of elite runners and said "come on, what's the difference!? why do I get all the grief?!"

Having since put on a solid 15-20 pounds, I look back and realize how frightening it is that I tricked myself into thinking I looked like an elite athlete, or that I was as mentally healthy as one.
At January 3, 2011 at 8:13 PM , Anna P said...: As someone said above 'your body suits your sport', i think thats TOTALLY true. To me, yes, you are skinny, but most ELITE distance runners are. Billy's right.
You are SO stinkin' pretty, but its the INNER you that brings us all back time and time again.
=) Much love to you from Nebraska, Janae!!
At January 3, 2011 at 8:14 PM , Rachel Marie said...: Janae, you are a beautiful person-inside and out. Thank you for being so open and writing about what was obviously a difficult topic for you. I am so sorry that someone's words hurt you. Words can be so harsh sometimes, and it isn't always easy to forget them, even though we may forgive the person who said them. You ARE an amazing athlete. You have set your goals and are putting forth an incredible effort to achieve them. I applaud you. You don't hold anything back, and it shows in your posts on a range of topics from your love for Billy (makes me smile everytime!), your passion for running, the energy and enthusiasm you interject into your career, your dedication to the Savior, and last but not least, your love for yourself. I look at you and see a strong, smart, beautiful, funny, talented and caring woman. Go to a mirror right now and look at yourself. See all the beautiful things about yourself that make you who you are, and know that you are loved by many, many people. Don't ever let anyone take that smile from you girl.
At January 3, 2011 at 9:05 PM , Nicole said...: I think you are skinny but i would never email you assuming you had a problem. you are beautiful woman & its nice people care but i dont like it when others jump to conclusions. i can tell you eat alot... just by the way you are with your food posts! :)
At January 3, 2011 at 9:29 PM , Anonymous said...: I'm finally coming out of lurkdom to comment on this post! :)
This post meant a lot to me. I admittedly think you are tiny, but that definitely comes with the territory running as much as you do! Sometimes your occasional weight ocmments made me worry, but you seem to have a very healthy outlook. As long as you are healthy and happy with where you are, that's all that matters. You are absolutely an inspiration with your dedication and your joy for life in general; I only wish I could be more like you!
At January 3, 2011 at 9:46 PM , Unknown said...: So I've tried to comment like three different times but my internet at home SUCKS! So if this is the third comment of mine ( don't think I am weird)

I love your blog. I love how real you are. I love your honesty....therefore just know you are awesome...'nough said!
At January 3, 2011 at 10:25 PM , Hannah said...: We love you Janae! Thank you for sharing, and opening up to all of us like that. It can't be easy. And while the naysayers may upset you, you also have to remember that deep down they care about your health to some extent to take the time to e-mail you about it. Whether it is warranted or not, and whether their concerns are true or not, and whether they went about approaching you the right way or not shouldn't matter. That being said, take everything with a grain of salt. We all don't know you like we think we do.

Just remember that you have tons of people that love, and care about your well being. And we also believe we to be friends.

You're awesome. Ignore those that think differently. They're dumb. We can't all be brilliant. It's a balance thing.
At January 3, 2011 at 10:31 PM , Anonymous said...: You are thin; you are beautiful! Don't let the naysayers get you down! Great post!
At January 4, 2011 at 11:32 AM , Meredith said...: Everybody has said everything already. I just wanted to let you know that I LOVE your blog. One of the things that I have decided to do for 2011 is "de-lurk", and start COMMENTING on the blogs that I read.

So now seemed like a good time to tell you that I think you are hilarious, and I am very happy that I stumbled upon your blog ages ago.

*hugs*
Keep smiling.
And eating candy.
:)
At January 4, 2011 at 12:29 PM , Rae said...: I think you look fabulous and healthy! I never once thought anything otherwise.
At January 4, 2011 at 2:48 PM , LAPT said...: No worries, girl. I know exactly where you're coming from. I've been there. I have posts dedicated to it myself. Disordered eating is a mental battle... and to be happy and self-confident is an awesome place to be. Congrats. :-)
At January 4, 2011 at 2:53 PM , Lindsay said...: You are crazy skinny and I am jealous of course but I know it's a combo of all your running plus genetics. I am glad you are happy with your self now because you should be!
At January 4, 2011 at 5:21 PM , Pixie said...: You are a beautiful woman and don't let others get you down. Regardless of whether a person is fat or skinny, tall or short, rich or poor no one should pretend to know what their life is about. I have a friend who does not exercise and eats really poorly in my opinion but she has always been smaller than a size 0. It has amazed me the negative comments she receives and the assumption that she is unhealthy because she is thin. People reading blogs should remember it's a small snap shot of the authors life and it's easy to make assumptions or form opinion that is wrong. Don't let them get you down, keep running, keep blogging and remember your an inspiration to many.
At January 4, 2011 at 10:45 PM , H Love said...: thanks for sharing your heart...it's beautiful!
At January 5, 2011 at 2:44 PM , Caroline said...: this bugs me that you got those emails...
I wrote a post in support of you!
At January 5, 2011 at 6:16 PM , Anonymous said...: You're right, so many people are mean and hurtful on the internet. Thanks for sharing and showing who you are, even though you didn't have to. You have a beautiful spirit, that shines through on all your posts!
At January 5, 2011 at 7:04 PM , Kristen said...: I've been following your blog for a while, Hungry Runner Girl, and I have to say that I absolutely love it. I have a great deal of respect for you in this very personal and candid post. It saddens me to think that the weight question is a taboo one. I've been struggling with body image issues, and consequently, an unhealthy relationship with food for years (still am, but I have the help and support of some lovely friends and family). It helps to see a strong, confident woman address it head-on, share her experiences, and reassure her readers that it does, in fact, get better. It helps the rest of us know that we're not alone, and that there is hope for us.

Don't let the haters get you down. You are a phenomenal athlete, an inspiration, absolutely lovely, and a little ray of sunshine on these silly interwebs. Keep it up :)
At January 5, 2011 at 7:43 PM , Adrianna said...: and this just nails the reason why i feel so 'connected' when i read your blog. initially, it rose to the top of my faves, but the more i read, the better it gets. you're so real, funny, and inspirational, and now even more so.

although i dont work out anywhere close to your amount (i wish i could; darn job thing!), i was a hot mess back a few years ago. i had so many fear foods, was insane about exercising, feared weight gain, mood swings out the ying-yang, and never ever felt sane, happy, content, or good enough. and really, it was to no one's fault...i really dont have any family issues or man issues of past; i just didnt know how to channel the stress of a new school, new people, tons of studying/work, grades.

it took awhile, but somehow i managed to realize my faults and change my thinking. however silly this sounds, its nice to know there are others out there who were able to accomplish it also, and i'm proud of you all!
At January 5, 2011 at 8:04 PM , Adrianna said...: oh, and i think you are and amazing athlete, and gorgeous! why do people think its ok to hate on thin people and assume we are unhealthy and dont eat? drive me crazy, day in and day out. i just brush it off but damn.
At January 5, 2011 at 9:54 PM , Laura said...: Ugh. As my husband was quoted saying once, "People are the worst." I actually just wrote a post complaining about the same thing a little bit ago. I'm linking it here, but feel free to ignore it (http://mylifeoffthecouch.blogspot.com/2010/12/pick-on-someone-your-own-size.html). You probably barely have time to read through all the comments!

Of course it would be completely unacceptable for someone to tell someone else they were too fat, yet somehow people think it's okay to tell you you're too skinny. Ridiculous.

I think it's usually out of jealousy. My mom always tells me to remember that when people mistreat you it usually has to do with them - not you. This person is probably wishing they looked equally fabulous (maybe even subconciously) and this was their reaction.

Anyway...lots of random thoughts. Page @ http://twentysixandthensome.com/ posted that you were one of her favorite blogs. I've been reading yours ever since!
At January 6, 2011 at 9:11 PM , Susan said...: It's funny how people will watch what they say when talking about an overweight person, but they often have no problems telling someone that they think they should gain weight. Baffles me. You're thin, but you're fast and I don't think you look too skinny at all. Comes with the territory...you clearly eat plenty!
At January 9, 2011 at 8:23 AM , Sara said...: Janae! I just read this post and I don't really know what to say, but I know how you feel. I struggle with my weight and my looks and self-esteem, and I hope to be like you one day - happy and free and totally confident. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS! I told you that the first time I looked at your blog and saw your wedding photos, heck, I could read your blog and your blog only and be happy!!! I just wanted to tell you that you are an inspiration to me - in more ways than one and not only as a runner - and even though we haven't met in "real" life, you continue to inspire me, everyday. Even when I haven't read your blog in a few days or a week, I might think of something you said that gets me through a rough time or a negative thought about myself. I appreciate your honesty about your feelings and about your past in this post, and I'm sorry I didn't see it earlier! You never know (as I'm sure you DO know!) whose life you are going to touch and I wanted to tell you, you have definitely made a positive difference in mine!! From the bottom of my heart, so happy to have found you online!!!!!!!!
At January 23, 2011 at 2:58 PM , Kassie said...: I just started reading your blog a couple of weeks ago and just happened upon your "favorites" posts and read this. I think you are awesome!!! I think there are always people that will question you when you put yourself out there, but I think part of your beauty is your open and honest posts. You are absolutely beautiful on the inside and out - I'm so happy to be able to follow your blog. Thanks for being honest. I went through an eating disorder after college and was very unhealthy. My relationship with Christ and my eventual husband brought me through it; helped me see that I am lovable and that I had to take care of my body that God had blessed me with. This is why I run now. Keep your head up and keep doing what you do. You are an inspiration to others!
At January 23, 2011 at 9:33 PM , Jennifer said...: Thanks for sharing. It's refreshing to find someone so real and transparent. I struggled with similar issues, although with me, it was first with a period of anorexia, followed by a period of overeating. It's wonderful what you're doing, to show people that they're not alone in their struggles. You've inspired me to lay out my own story on my own blog in a new "About Me", which I just spent a couple of hours typing up - http://fit360.blogspot.com/p/about-me.html . I'm also inspired by your super speediness. I'm doing my first marathon in 6 days! I expect to BQ, if all goes as planned. Maybe I can meet you in 2012 if I do. I stumbled upon your blog a few days ago and have been going through all of your archives ever since and finally finished today. Great stuff - keep it up!
At February 16, 2011 at 10:50 PM , Unknown said...: From what I have read of your blog you really are an inspiration to me. You truly show a healthy relationship between exercise and food. Keep doing what you do and don't let what some people may think get you down!!!
At February 16, 2011 at 11:09 PM , Brandy said...: This makes me sad that someone felt the need to e-mail you and judge you when you're so candid on your blog. I've read all of 10 posts so far and I can tell you are such a balanced person in nutrition AND life. I'm sure after talking with your mom and reading the 100+ comments you feel better as you should :-)
At March 12, 2011 at 12:10 PM , Anonymous said...: I am a recovered Anorexic. 4 years ago I was at my lowest and had heart problems due to my "disordered eatting" of lack there of. I am a 26 year old female who is half way in love with herself, everyday the old me slipps further and further away. I have a loving husband and a beautiful 6 month old baby girl, she will never see her mommy look in the mirror and think "im ugly" or hear me say "Im fat", she will not know of selfhate and I will not teach it to her!
I am a competitive cyclist and in 2009 I almost died, I was out on a trainning ride and a speeding 750Li BMW came from behind and took me out..... left me to die on the side of the road with bleeding into my brain. Cycling saved me from anorexia and a drunk almost took my life... damned if you do, damned if you don't... No! it's not like that, the fact that I'm alive and able to walk/run is amazing. The doctors said I may never walk again and now I AM RUNNING 5KS AND 10KS. Maybe one day a marathon. <3 Just found your blog two nights ago, I typed in "binge on broccoli" into google and fround a link to your blog. Thanks.
At May 6, 2011 at 3:04 PM , Aska @ Finding My Happy Ending said...: Hi Janae,
I just wanted to let you know that I'm currently recovering from ED (I like to refer to it as my "unhappiness") and your recovery and strength as a runner now is very inspiring. Just know that you are an inspiration to many girls and women reading your blog! :)
At May 7, 2011 at 2:51 PM , EDNOS said...: This is a beautiful post. I'm so proud of you for recovering!
At May 13, 2011 at 6:48 PM , Anonymous said...: Just came across your blog and it's great. I love this post. I have had issues in the past and it's wonderful to hear someone else be so open and honest with the problems they have endured throughout life. I love working out, running, and food, and have found a balance that makes me happy and works for me. People like you keep me inspired, so thanks! :)
At May 31, 2011 at 5:39 AM , Hannah said...: The blog world needs more of your honesty...love this post.

The weight question

The weight question

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Monday, January 3, 2011

The weight question

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